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Spiraling Downward Again – I need relief

on April 5th, 2009 by journeyupward

4/5/09 

Since we moved to FL on March 1st, I’ve begun rapid cycling moods again. I’ve seen my new Pdoc twice and he gave me a new diagnosis. I have Bipolar NOS (not otherwise specified). The rapid cycling causes me to not fit the DSM guidlines for Bipolar I or II so I’m put in the category Not Otherwise Specified. Geeee! He’s an expert in the field of mood disorders, especially bipolar, so I sincerely hope he’s got it right–I think he has. It’s been a long road since childhood to finally understand why I’ve always been somewhat different and treated a bit different.

Right now, I am alone at home and I’m spiraling down. I feel alone and am tired of the fight to survive. I love the manic days, just LOVE them (as long as they aren’t irritable, which is seldom). I’m going to lose them due to new treatment, new drugs. I’m hopefully going to lose the major depressive cycles–they are so dangerous.

Right now, the spiral is taking me down to a dark and bad place. I wish it could just end. I don’t want to go to the hospital–I don’t think I’m that bad yet. Where is the line drawn where one must go to hospital?

Posted in Crisis

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